Five Things

rain

family

friends

my cat, Min

the beauty of nature

Walking and Noticing

Since the beginning of 2019, when I had first a tooth infection, then a really debilitating, long-lasting cough, I have let my health slip. Not eating so well, and not exercising. I am eating better since lock down because I am weaning myself off the little 'treats' (how is something that's not good for you be a treat?), and I have started walking again. I knew I wasn't as fit as I had been, but it has been shocking to realise just how bad I'd got!

Today I did 2 x 2km walks to the short end of the road and back, plus 2km this evening after dinner. And I am feeling better for it, mentally as well as physically, and my blood sugar has dropped a bit too.Daily walking the same route also gives me an opportunity so observe my little part of the world, and I am reminded of how observation is on of the principles of permaculture, and that permaculture has given me the best structure for thinking about, and living in, this world.

Tomorrow I have my NIA Heal exercise class on Zoom, but will still do some walking as well. Regardless of whether I live through this damn pandemic or not, I am determined to be the healthiest I can every day.

Hope and the Bumblebee

the wilding pumpkin vine

winds its way though

long grass and seed heads

a marble-sized green fruit

absurdly optimistic in April

but the bright yellow flower

still brings hope and promise

to the bumblebee

A Day of Rest

It's only been a little over three weeks ago since Womad. It would have been my 15th, but we decided to stop going, as it had become just too big and crowded for us. I February I was starting to regret my decision, but by the time March came, I was already worrying about covid19, and fully expected womad to be called off. Last year womad continued under the black cloud of the Christchurch mass shootings, and this year they continued despite the pandemic.

As the pandemic news kept coming, my love of music left me: No more music festivals, no more concerts, and every familiar song said, 'never again'. I couldn't listen to music without crying, let alone sing along or dance. Then Maggie, my daughter-in-law, started posting a song from her dad each day - and of course, Pete is a similar age to me, so his choices sit very well with me. After a few days of tears I started humming along, and enjoying them again.

Today I have been just so incredibly tired. All the worry, anxiety, panic, fear, all just washed away in a wave of exhaustion, and I spent the afternoon listening to mostly new-to-me music, reading and dozing, while Luna the Cat guarded the house from the chooks. I did go for a walk this evening, to the end of the road and back, slowly, and needing to use my walking stick, but the fresh air was lovely and the moon tonight is glorious. But best of all, music is back.

A Good Day, After a Bad Start

Admittedly, I got up late, but still it was only just after breakfast that the phone rang. A stranger cold called me to tell me that he was Ron (or Rob) Taylor from Raglan, and that he was ringing to share some scripture with me, in these troubled times. So I told him to fuck off, fester and die. Probably a bit extreme, but I don't like door-to-door religious snake-oil peddlers at the best of times, let alone assaulting me my over the phone in a fucking hugely anxiety-inducing pandemic. Just as it is illegal to break into someone's physical bubble under lock down, in my opinion it is also morally indefensible to force your way into someone's mental health bubble by cold-calling on the phone with religious proselytizing. I wish someone would send their pitbull in to wrestle his Raglan Directory out of his hand! People who want scripture can get it from their book of fairy tales of choice, or by ringing their minister or online or numerous other sources. The rest of us should be left alone to deal with our anxiety in our own way. So having started the day in such a horrible manner, things were not looking good! But after a bit of ranting and raging, I calmed the fuck down, and moved on with my day. I fed the ducks and chooks, made yogurt and kefir, rinsed sprouts and watered microgreens, hung out two loads of washing, and ordered my milk for delivery next week - really life under lock down isn't different from any other time in the moment. Simon made some amazing pesto scrolls for him and Mac - I was so very tempted to eat some, but as I have been getting tension stomach aches, decided that filling my tender gut with gluten would not be a great idea!

Lacking much in the way of old newspapers and firelighters, we decided we needed some Old Man Pine. Several years ago we had someone come in and fell a huge old dead pine tree before it fell down onto the driveway and trapped us. Over the years we have used most of it, leaving just the biggest part of the trunk which is so layered with gum that a small piece in the fireplace is enough to get the fire going without paper: you just have to hold a match to the gum and it catches alight.

I helped clear a path through the gorse and new native saplings, then sat and watched as Mac chainsawed.

After sawing off a slice, Mac realised that half of it had been sawed through by the tree fellers, and we both pushed until it took off down the bank, onto the driveway.

Then Mac used a chain attached to the bucket on the tractor to lift it on to the trailer, and Simon and I lifted the 'little' slice on behind it.

Mac backed the tractor up to the top of the hill, to wait in case he had to pull the van and trailer up.

Simon drove the old Toyota Hiace to the bottom where he turned around and got a good run off before barrelling up with the load.

The Rusty Trusty made it, no trouble. It may not longer be legally road-worthy, but it sure is useful, and very worthy in our eyes.

After a cup of tea, I went for a walk to the mailbox and back, in the late afternoon sun.

For once there were no Paradise ducks or pukeko around, but lots of fantails and rosellas, the resident kingfisher, and a tui who seems to have moved in to live in the bush halfway up the hill. Birds make me wish I had a proper camera with good lenses, but I don't know how to use them, and I'd never carry it with me all the time.

So many weeds - but there is beauty in them too.

The day ended wonderfully, with a long video chat, first with Jeff and Konny, and then with Simon, Gre and Steven joining. I know I've said it before on numerous occasions, but, oh how fortunate we are to have the internet and video chat platforms! I may not be able to hug my family, but at least we can see each other and talk. Hopefully next time Maggie and Zeda will join us. Poor Maggie was essential working - on her birthday no less. When this is over, we will have to have a series of birthday celebration for all those who missed out during lock down.

PS I have no idea where all the blank gaps in this post came from, nor why. I can't see them in my draft, and can't get rid of them, so sorry.

The Little Things

In general this will be a positive post : just one little bad thing today. My keyboard got its knickers in a knot, and so I am having to write this by hand with my Surface pen and l am not used to this old fashioned technique........But Mac and Simon have found me a keyboard now and although it is awkward, it is better than writing by hand.

   This morning I got my jobs done earlier than most mornings in this first week of lock down, because I had a coffee date with my Raglan Maties. I needed a bit of uplifting after a night of little sleep. I collected small joys with my camera and feathers in my pocket.

The chooks have almost finished moulting, but the ducks are still going strong.

An autumn nashi leaf.

A Lisbon lemon - only a couple left, but I still have enough Meyer lemons to keep us going.

Sun shining through Liquid Amber leaves.

Then it was down to the mailbox to leave another bucketful of apples for neighbours to help themselves to, and I found two pheasant feathers on the way - I guess they too are moulting.

Today's collection:

                               

It was lovely to spend time chatting with my friends. How lucky we are to have the technology to do this at such a time.

In the afternoon I sowed peas in my newly cleared garden, and put my tatty old flag up to deter birds from stealing the seed. The flag is quite shredded: I shall make another soon.

This afternoon I packed up the kumera which have been drying in the sun to harden their skins for storing.Usually I store them in sawdust, and once before, in newspaper, but I have neither, and am not allowed to go get any. So I raided my craft room, and wrapped them in tissue paper and dressmaking patterns!

This evening I again met the Countdown truck at the corner of Te Mata Road and SH23, but sadly it will be the last time for a few months, as they are restricting deliveries to those more at risk than us - if only Mac was five months older we would qualify. Lordie, I hope this thing isn't still happening in five months time, but I fear I will still be avoiding supermarkets even then. In the meantime we will shop at Raglan 4 Square, and I will learn to do without my gluten-free treats. A Waikato Civil Defence car stopped to see what I was doing, which I thought was fairly obvious, as the truck driver was putting food bags in my boot while I stood at a distance, but glad they are out patrolling all the same. I also got to have a loud and distant conversation with my neighbour as he cleared rats from traps from behind the community rubbish skip. We could hear more rats squeaking and scrabbling in the skip, so no dumpster diving for either of us! But it was so nice to see and speak to someone I know in real, if distant, life.

To finish the day off nicely, I watched my usual Friday night talk from Liz Constable at Book Arts Studio: https://www.facebook.com/139173826115266/videos/616073642573457

A Quiet Day at Home - not a surprise.

A quiet day, emotionally as well as life in general. A day in the garden, a couple of online chats with friends, a walk to the neighbours to leave some eggs at a distance for them.

My potted capsicum still going strong.

My self-sown garden: lots of silverbeet, a pumpkin, some tomatoes that have yet to produce ripe fruit but which so far remains free of stink bugs.

The bed from which I harvested the kumera, nearly ready for broad beans.

The tomato, cucumber and courgettes all cleared but one courgette plant that still has a couple of small courgettes developing. Tomorrow I will plant peas.

Winter is Coming

Mornings do not allow me to pretend any more - winter is on the way. It is colder, and there is mist over the bush. Well, there may have been mist before but with the lengthening of the nights, mornings start later, so I get to see then

A neighbour phoned to thank me for the apples her husband took home from the box beside the mailbox, and to chat for a while. I usually see her every six weeks in Hamilton, as she owns Contempo, the hairdressing business where I get my hair cut. I don't think I'll be going there for a long time, so it was nice to chat on the phone.

Next Simon and Mac helped set up the computer that is attached to the tv screen so that I could attend my Nia exercise class via Zoom. It should be easy, but it's not. But after just three classes I could feel it helping my stroke-brain, so am delighted to be able to continue.

I wiped and chopped lots of the mushrooms we picked yesterday, and then dehydrated them so that we will have some tasty casseroles this winter.

Mac and I put more apples out by the mailbox and then walked to another neighbour's place and harvested some broccoli, beans, tomatoes and basil, which were delicious with our dinner. They are in lock down elsewhere, and offered us their produce.

I want to put it out there that mental illness is not a competition. If you are asked not to persistently send junk mail to me, to only use Facebook Messenger for personal messages, then just fucking stop doing it. Don't defend your repeat offending by claiming that all those fucking memes, 'hugs, pass it on' and 'inspirational' links are positive. If I've told you that they cause me anxiety, don't make out that your mental illness is somehow worse and more important than my anxiety and depression, and that therefore I am being mean to ask you to stop. Respect my boundaries and Just. Fucking. Stop.

Fortunately, I have a delightful group of supportive, fun friends who I meet in Raglan for coffee once or twice a week. Or so it has been. I was really missing them today, but we aren't going to be able to meet at The Shack for a long time. Then I realized, I have to face up to this changed life, and work out different ways of doing things: so I suggested coffee on Friday morning at The Alternative Shacks - I have my my table picked out:

A Sweet Pea Kind of Day

Every day is the beginning of many new things, the end of some things, and the continuation of most. I am having to learn to stay, still, in this, my present, while also planning for the future as hoping and planning is a part of what makes us human. When I die, sooner maybe but hopefully later, what I have done now will be here for others to see.

My sister rang to chat this morning - I haven't talked to her for that long on the phone for..... for ever! Why not? Will we keep it up in the future? I hope so. There are those people, often family, that we take for granted because they'll always be there for us. I must make more time for those special people.

The other day when sorting out seeds to find a few things to sow in my vegetable garden, and work out what to order, I found a packet of sweet peas that had slipped unnoticed under the bottom flap of the cardboard box. It had an expiry date of 2014, but it needed to be disposed of, so I poked the seeds in around the bottoms of the bamboo. They probably won't grow, but maybe a few will, and imagine the joy when I, or others, look out the kitchen window and see them climbing up the bamboo! Or even the excitement of a bee, finding food in spring. The sowing is an act of hope and faith that the world will continue, with or without me. If the seeds grow, that will be wonderful. If they don't germinate, they will rot, break down and become part of the soil that nourishes the bamboo that my friend Peter gave me, the sunchokes that my friend Violet gave me, and the potatoes that grabbed life with both hands and ran wild here.

I put more seeds on to sprout, and watered the microgreens. I've grown both before, pretty casually, but now they seem like a much safer option than salad greens bought from a supermarket, so hopefully I'll turn it into a habit.

And they are so yummy:

Mac and I climbed the boundary fence (with permission from the farmer) and picked two buckets of  beautiful mushrooms today. I'm going to try dehydrating some to add to winter casseroles.

Mac made more bread today - for years, in the days before supermarket pizza bases, he made pizza bases, so kneading bread is not new to him.

It's funny, this pandemic, end of life as we knew it time, because in the moment, the exact moment, life is exactly right. I walked down to the mailbox (600 metres from the house) with a box of apples to leave for anyone who wanted some. The sun was warm on my back, the stream was gurgling away, birds singing, a pukeko feather was shining on the gravel, I collected a couple of pine cones and some harekeke stalks to add to the kindling pile. All was perfectly normal and wonderful in the moment.

I got a text from some neighbours along the road who I hardly know, and who have gone into lock down elsewhere, offering me the fruit and vegetables in the their garden, after I messaged them offering eggs and apples. People are being kind and generous in the midst of these troubles. I hope we can continue this way always.

I had ordered groceries from Countdown, but wasn't sure that we'd get them as we are out of zone by 3.5km. However, late afternoon they rang me and asked if I'd be willing to meet them at the corner of the road. It was quite an adventure, as I felt like I was meeting my drug dealer for a surreptitious boot to boot transaction! Well, gotta get some excitement somehow! More milk today as well. I never thought I'd say, "I'm just washing the milk in soap and hot water"!

I've got an appointment to have a haircut in a couple of weeks and my hair is feeling a bit scruffy already. Obviously I'm not going to be keeping that appointment, so I'll be wearing hats more often, and I've been googling ways to wear scarves that don't make me look like a member of Glorivale or such.

And each day I sit with a cup of tea (lemon verbena this time)

and consider these questions: