Friday, November 1, 2019

I'm Broken - what glue should I use?

Last Saturday evening Mac and I went to a wedding and it was wonderful for the bride and groom, but a disaster for me. Most of the time people don't see me as being any different from how I was pre-stroke. After 1.25 hours at the wedding, sitting down most of the time, in a corner, noise cancelling device on, I could understand little anyone said to me, could only speak in a stumbling slur, and had to get Mac to go get my walking stick (which I haven't used for over a year) from the car. With stick on one side and husband on the other, I managed to leave the building barefoot - Mac had to carry my (not very) high heel shoes. Within a couple of minutes of getting away from the noise, everything came right. However, I am still so very tired and unable to do anything much. In the last year, it has not taken me more than 2 days tops to recover from event induced tiredness, and although this was the worst experience post stroke nearly 2 years ago, I did not expect it to take this long. So now I am wondering..... How do I know if this awful tiredness and bleak feeling is because of the event, in which case the cure is rest, peace and quiet OR if I have fallen back into depression, which has always had me feeling incredibly tired, triggered by the knowledge that I just can't go to celebrations like this ever again, (this week I have declined wedding invitations to two very special friends' celebrations) and for which the best thing is to get off my ass and force myself to work hard in the garden, go for long walks, and be (quietly) sociable with friends.

Either way, the wrong choice will leave me broken.

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