Sunday, January 9, 2011

New Year

 I follow a number of blogs and the ones I enjoy most these days are not so much the stimulating, thought-provoking, argumentative blogs, but rather, the blogs that offer snapshots of the writer's world, the apparently simple day to day thoughts and pictures of what brings pleasure to them.

Although disappointment and sadness are very real, it is important for me too to start to focus also on the joys of life, however small. As someone who has suffered from depression for decades, and who has been badgered by the positive-thinking-born-again-Amway types of this world, I have a tendancy to steer well clear of positive thinking in any form. I'm coming to realise that focusing on the positive things in my life doesn't mean I have to lie to myself in the way that many 'positive thinkers' do. I don't have to tell myself that I'm world-shatteringly beautiful - I just have to stop telling myself I'm ugly, and hey, I've got quite a nice tan at the moment. But it is also okay - necessary even - for me to acknowledge the sadness and disappointments.

Twenty two years ago my mother died, just nine months after the death of my father in the same year. Now that was a hard year! Consequently, New Year's Eve is always hard for me. For the last ten years I have filled that day with fun by having a party at our place (except for one year when we went to a friend's party.)  This year I started asking people, but it seemed other people had already made plans to go elsewhere, and so it was just Mac and me at home, and I struggled to find anything to feel positive about. Jeff and Konny were home but spent the evening in their room. I had broached the idea of going into Raglan to watch the fireworks but no body had seemed interested. However, at 11.30 Konny came out and asked if anyone else wanted to go. So we did. Awesome!

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