So much for daily blogging! I am struggling with physical and mental fatigue, but.... take a breath, take the next step, aim to be kind to everyone including myself......
- My pack of 72 seedlings is due to arrive today or tomorrow. That's ok. Just because we have always grown our own spring seedlings in the past, doesn't mean it always has to be that way.
- My pack of 72 seedlings is due to arrive today or tomorrow. I have spent four consecutive days preparing beds in which to plant them out. My body hurts.
- My pack of 72 seedlings is due to arrive today or tomorrow. Now I have to stay alive long enough to plant them out.
- My pack of 72 seedlings is due to arrive today or tomorrow. Then I have to stay alive long enough to harvest, prepare, and eat them, so as not to waste their lives.
- My pack of 72 seedlings is due to arrive today or tomorrow. They do not ponder the meaning or purpose of life. I need to learn to live like a cabbage seedling.
- The ducks are disgruntled: Mac fixed the fence yesterday and they can no longer go wandering into the neighbour's paddock, from which one cannot get back from. I don't know why. There is no apparent difference in the path of coming and going. However, once there she runs up and down the fence line crying. They had also discovered the garlic patch. Hence, the fence is repaired.
- The chooks, who always try to get to the vegetable garden when they are let out of their run, did not appreciate being caught and carried to a newly dug fenced garden to finish the clean up, and tried desperately to get out. Another came inside the house, was chased by Luna cat, and shat all over the carpet.
- Covid lockdown restrictions are reduced tomorrow, so I delivered the last of the free eggs to neighbours' mailboxes. The first of my paying customers will get their eggs tomorrow. But it won't feel like much of a release as long as one son is still locked down in Auckland.
- Because of Auckland's continuing lockdown, my 70th birthday special holiday to Great Barrier Island isn't going to happen. Both the island, and the ferry terminal are in the Auckland region. I guess being alive, well, and safe is a special thing, in and of itself, though somehow it doesn't quite feel enough.
- A friend expressed guilt for having expressed her feelings around pain. Something I have often done myself around both physical and emotional pain. Suddenly, for the first time, I realised that when someone questions their right to pain because someone else has it worse, I've had lots of good things, at least I haven't (fill in the blank)..... this actually denies others the right to express their pain. Because there is always something worse - look! that person is dead!
I apologise to all those who have felt denied, dismissed, unable to speak, by my denials of my right to express my pain.
I can see your first photo as a David Hockney painting...
ReplyDeleteGood luck with those seedlings. Here in Melbourne we can see our row od peas shooting and our first broad bean...
Keep smiling!
I am entranced by your writing. I find the snippets of stories so colorful. It is interesting how humans tend to compare pain/joy/emotions/whatever instead of just letting it be what it is. I think we all fall victim to that. Thank you for acknowledging it and shedding a light on it.
ReplyDeleteDisgruntled Ducks, do they behave like Grumpy Geese? About denying pain, I didn't think of it in that way. I used to do that, "so and so have it worse", it's a symptom of ACTUALLY being a child in Africa ;) and I also realised it's a little bit disturbing, it's almost like I am finding solace in others pain, like I need these groups of people to be in pain, so that I am not - no thanks
ReplyDeletegood luck with your seedlings! and everyone has their own burden; doesn't mean yours isn't valid, and your burden doesn't invalidate someone else's. we all carry a weight, and some can carry more silently than others. which is why we all need to have grace for ourselves and for those we meet; it isn't a contest. your pains are valid and they are real, and you should be commended for getting through the day in any way you can.
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ReplyDeleteWe should all learn to live like cabbage seedlings! And that duck that finds its way into but not out of the neighbour's place sounds like she might be frustrating but something about her totally stole my heart! I hear you re the disappointment in your change of birthday plans. <3
ReplyDeleteI loved how the first several points started the same way. It made a lovely rhythm. But I especially loved the stories of the ducks and chooks. :)
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