Today was a day of reflection. A day of sadness. A day of memories. A day of past and present.
Since having a stroke in mid-December, I have done a lot of reflecting about life and death, and my thoughts were brought sharply into focus today, at a friend's memorial gathering. He became ill around the same time as me, but while I am recovering well, he did not. No rhyme or reason to it.
Having children changes your life in so many ways - mostly good. Being a homeschooling parent is wonderful in so many ways. But there's one way in which it is.... weird. It affected my friendships. There were people who I didn't get to be friends with because our kids, who were always with us, didn't get on. There were people who I had to be 'friends' with who really weren't my sort of people, but our kids were friends. Weirdly, one of those 'not my sort' remains a close friend long after our kids grew up and left home, while other friendships with people I had more in common with, did not survive the end of our children's friendship. Still another developed after our kids were grown.
Today I reminisced with one of those latter, and she expressed regret that we had not been able to remain friends, given that we have so much in common. Maybe we will resume communication, maybe not. But as we remembered our mutual friend, we both regretted not spending more time with him, and other friends.
I had already arrived at a gut understanding of the need to live in the present: today it became urgent reality.
I need to remember the past, but let it go.
I need to hope and plan for the future, but not become attached to my hopes and plans..
Most of all, I need to live as fully as possible in the present and not put anything off for 'someday'.