ICAD 2018 - Warm-Ups

I have always been torn between wanting to 'do art' and the deep fear of 'doing it wrong' or 'not good enough' or using the wrong materials, or using materials wrongly. My early life conditioned me to feel the need to do things right in the hope of approval, but I never managed to quell my co-existing need for self-expression. So in my quests for artistic expression, and for fearlessness (my WOTY, Word of the Year, a thing that's a bit like a new year's resolution, but less definitive) I have signed up for a funny little art prompt challenge called ICAD.

You can find the details at Daisy Yellow Art, but the main idea is:

This is not an art competition.
It's a creative challenge.
Can you create something on
an index card every day
for 61 days? I bet you can.

We are working on a cheap office material - index cards - and it is to be regarded as play, as expression, not serious art. My aim is to use this challenge to loosen up a bit, to move towards fearlessness in art and craft.

Already I am feeling my urge for self-expression competing with my desire to follow instructions Each week has a materials based theme, and 7 prompts around a topic. As the prompts for the first week are things that I actually dislike (fairground things), I know I'm not going to follow the prompts every time. The materials themes, probably, but the prompts may or may not be used.

Leading up to the start date - tomorrow, June 1st - we have been given warm up exercises.  My desire for perfection has been forcibly challenged so far by an unexpected spanner in the works - my reading glasses have been sent off to have the lenses replaced with my updated prescription! So I'm working, if not exactly blind, certainly with slightly blurred vision and accompanying headaches and sore eyes. Still, I have been working on them. As the challenge goes on, I will try to post what I've been doing about once a week. But to start, here are my warm-ups.

1. Mix a colour or snap a colour. Name that colour.

2. Do a puzzle.


3. Write a Top 10 list of - anything.

4. Test 17 pens / writing devices.


5. Create a rainbow with words, collage, paint, ink etc.


6. Doodle or draw your name.


7. Post one of your favourite ICADs from a previous year. Obviously I couldn't do that as it is my first year, but the following was a pre-warm-up warm-up that I did when I first read about the ICAD challenge.


8. Sing out loud to a (...fill in the blank...) tune. Document the the song name on an index card.


9. Set up a small creative space. Well, it started out as a small space at one end of the table but grew.


10. Draw a map of anything.  Hmmm - not really a map - but it is to remind me that the walk from my house is not very far from my craft room!


11. Create a collage with 3 colours and 3 words.


12. Make a title card.



It's fun. It's easy. It's uncomplicated. I'm trying not to judge these 15 - 20 minute dabblings. I'm trying to just enjoy playing with different materials.

Things I Learned on Holiday and since

In a desperate attempt to pretend that all is well in my life, and that I had more or less recovered from the stroke I had in December, I took myself off to Fibre Arts NZ in Whanganui for a week, and from there, for a road trip to Dunedin and back. I learned a lot of hard truths.

• I still have a lot of recovery to go.
• I will probably never recover fully, because, you know, dead brain cells are, you know, dead.
• I can drive for 4.5 hours if I'm fresh, but 2 hours can be too much if I'm not.
• I need to practise things consistently if I am to be able to do them again: when trying to hand-sew, my fingers did not have sufficient strength to hold the needle tight enough to pull it through more than 3 layers of fabric until the third day - before that I had to use pliers for every such stitch.
• I still need a break from anything every half hour: driving, stitching, reading, talking.
• I can multi-task again, but only when I am not stressed, tired, or doing something new. For example, today after being stressed and extremely anxious about something, I struggled to understand Mac's words while we had lunch at a cafe with noise around.
• Trying to relate to more than 2 or 3 people at once has become almost impossible.
• The fine motor skills of my right hand rapidly deteriorate after about half an hour of use.
• I still stutter and lose words when I am stressed or tired.
• I am a very long way from achieving the state aimed for in my choice of 'fearlessness' for my WOTY (word of the year): in fact, fear is constant and lives very close to the surface. I am constantly aware of how that stroke came out of the blue, when I was feeling the best I had for years. Aware that it could happen again any time. Or something else. Fear not of death, but of incapacitation, mental or physical. Fear of something happening to me, or to those I love. I don't dwell on it, and use mindfulness to ease the anxiety, but awareness of the reality of the possibilities is ever present, even in my sleep, popping up in dreams in weird ways.

On the other hand, I also learned a lot of good truths. 

• I have recovered a lot.
• I can drive to the other end of New Zealand and back - as long as I take it a bit slower than I used to.
• I get more tired, more quickly than pre-stroke, but I no longer get that fall-down-can't-do-anything fatigue that I got for the first 4 months post stroke.
• When I practice, I get better.
• My brain has discovered / developed new pathways to my right leg, so it no longer randomly flicks sideways (which it did for the first month), nor even feels like it will (which it did for the next 3.5 months). Which makes driving much more comfortable and less stressful. This resumption of normal sensation happened the day before I got home. 
• Whales and dolphins are still the most awesome fucking creatures in the world.
• Gaia (the planet earth) is amazingly, excitingly, uncaringly wonderful and powerful.
• People matter more than anything else to me.
• Art is art even when it isn't great art or saleable art - it doesn't matter, just do it!
• Most people are kind.
• Most people respond well to being treated kindly.
• Practice makes better, which is much better than perfect as it leaves room for more growth.
• I can do a whole heap of totally fucking awesome shit if I want to and I persevere.
• I want to.
• I will persevere.