Still Alive and the Sun Shines

I slept really badly last night: hot flashes woke me, but after I threw back the covers and went comfortably back to sleep, I'd wake again, chilled to the bone by the frost outside that crept in through the cracks. In the morning I woke with an aching shoulder, back and knees. I have felt tired, sore, head-achy, nauseous and dizzy all day.

When I went to hang the washing out, I saw and smelled my daphne bush. I have bought and killed more daphne bushes than I can remember. I bought another four years ago, Wrong time of year - it was in full flower and I kept it inside to enjoy the fragrance. My friend Marcia visited and was horrified: there were woolly aphids all over it! She told me what to do, and where to plant it. It's the first daphne bush that has lasted more than a year. This morning as I breathed in the sweet smell I thought of Marcia who died just over a year later.

I took a photo of the bush, and when I went to look at it on the computer, the file was next to last year's photos for the same day and thus I was reminded that it is a year since our beautiful NgTong died.

Despite all this, I felt happiness seeping through the daze.

How could I be miserable when I'm alive and there was sunshine and bees?